Laurie Ishii

As you know, I’ve been really wrestling with making a decision regarding chemo vs. alternative/no chemo. Right from the very beginning, I have been totally against chemo and radiation. I have researched both and I believe that both are terrible. Chemo destroys the immune system along with the cancer and kills people faster than cancer does. There are no negative side affects doing alternative medicine and I’m still eating green leafy veggies, no meat, little or no dairy, etc., exercising (which, right now, is walking), drinking lots of water – I still totally believe in doing alternative medicine and I believe it will be very vital in building up my immune system after the chemo kills it!

When I first had my doctor tell me that I would definitely need to get chemo, I was so upset. I beat myself up about cancelling my first scheduled surgery in April – if I had gotten surgery back then, my doctor had said I most likely wouldn’t have needed chemo because my tumors were estrogen positive (meaning they responded and grew according to my body’s production of estrogen) and I would only need to take a pill for 5 years to keep my estrogen levels down.

Of course looking back and wishing I ‘would have’ or ‘should have’ or wondering, ‘what if?’ was counterproductive, but as I reflect back on the whole situation, I have no regrets. I did not have any peace about getting surgery back in April. I was so anxious about what I should do or what not to do – had I just went ahead and done the surgery I most likely would have regretted it later – because I hadn’t at least TRIED alternative medicine and saw for myself that it didn’t work

Just because it didn’t work for me, in my situation – does that mean I believe alternative medicine doesn’t work? Not at all – I still believe in alternative medicine. But I also believe that we are individuals, and different methods work for different people in different situations. God has truly helped me to better understand that many things aren’t so ‘black and white’ – each situation is different, and each individual is different. One certain thing is not necessarily right for every single individual. I’ve always been such a black and white person – I’ve thought, if it’s good for me it must be good for everyone – to the point of imposing my belief or opinion onto other people and judging them if they didn’t agree with me.

The Lord has me in a very interesting position – because I am so ‘anti’ chemo – I’ve really had to swallow my pride, surrendering my will to my Fathers.

I’ve been asking Him what to do about my cancer treatment – I mean, the decision isn’t like I’m deciding whether or not I should I eat steak or chicken lol – this is a life changing decision; it could literally mean my life or death. I wanted to make sure that I was making the wisest decision and most importantly, a Spirit led decision.

Everything in me says that doing chemo is the most foolish, detrimental decision possible – I might as well be signing my own death certificate. I do not want to be sick, lose my hair or, worst-case scenario – die. Although I am not afraid of death – there are still things I’d like to do and I’d like to stick around for a while! J

So, why in the world would I do chemo? The same reason I mentioned a month or so ago. I believe that God wants to use me to share Jesus in the cancer clinic.

When my doctor first told me I’d have to do chemo, she told me that she wouldn’t even sign the papers for long term SSI until I agreed treatment. Sure, I need SSI. I have no income. I have no idea where my next dollar will come from. But please, let me make this clear: I AM NOT DOING CHEMO BECAUSE I AM AFRAID THAT IF I DON’T DO IT, I WON’T GET SSI. I know that God will provide for me regardless of whether or not I get SSI – besides, I have enough other medical problems to get SSI lol . . . but if I’m completely honest, I fall into stressing out regarding my finances. So, I really prayed and asked God to search my heart and motives, so I could be certain that fear wouldn’t be in the back of my mind, influencing any of my decisions.

Someone wrote to me asking me not to get chemo, saying that chemo is from the devil. I told this person that I really felt that Jesus wants to use me in the cancer clinic, and the person said, “God will use you anywhere Laurie. You don’t need to be in a cancer clinic getting chemo. Don’t buy into that as I believe it is a lie from the enemy trying to justify his bull crap.” Well, I agree that God can and use me anywhere. But I also know that in the past, God has called me to go to places that didn’t make any sense to me, to teach me things I otherwise wouldn’t have learned. There were ministries the Lord told me to be a part of where I was like, “NO WAY – why in the world would You want me to be a part of that?” He didn’t tell me why – but He kept on nudging me, giving me confirmation that I was to go, until I did. I learned later that much of the reason I was at a certain place or ministry was so that I could learn what NOT to do when I started a ministry, as well as using me to make changes . . . I’ve learned that Jesus doesn’t necessarily send me to places where I want to go, where I can further a vision or where I can protect or preserve my life. Of course, I believe I am to be a good steward of ‘my’ body. Yet at the same time – my body is not my own. I was bought with a price, the precious blood of Jesus (1 Cor. 6:20) and this verse keeps coming to my mind also: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25

Sunday, I went to Angelus Temple. I had been praying all weekend for confirmation regarding chemotherapy treatment – I had already felt that I was supposed to do chemo, but because I did NOT want to do it, I’d been asking Jesus to spare me from it – if possible, to please make another way. Well, Pastor Tommy Barnett spoke that morning on how ‘second conversions’ are many times born out of pain. He said so many things that morning that spoke to me and my situation – I felt like he wrote his sermon just for me and I stayed for the second service to hear it again!

He talked about Acts 10 and Peter and I wish I could go into all the details but if I tried, I’d just mess up a perfectly wonderful sermon. Basically, all of my doubts were erased; all of my questions were answered. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I am supposed to get chemo. Not because it’s the ‘best’ route to combat the cancer – not because it’s going to save my life – but because this is the route God wants me to take, the way Jesus is going to use me to save other people’s lives (souls).

So, that’s my reason for doing chemo. I’ll get my chemo schedule after I see the chemo oncologist (which I have yet to make an appointment with – I’m waiting someone from their office to call me) and I see the radiation oncologist tomorrow, along with my surgical oncologist.

I have total peace about my decision and I know that no matter what happens, Jesus will be with me.