Sick, jet lag, spiritual attack or all of the above?
Okay, I’ve been in bed all day today again. It’s weird – I was somewhat okay yesterday – still felt a little strange, but okay. Then last night I started having all these bad thoughts and got really depressed and wished that I had said things differently when I shared my testimony and all these “should have’s” kept coming up and pretty soon I couldn’t sleep because by this time my stomach was rocking and in pain – I got hit with a wave of nausea and thought I was going to throw up but thankfully I didn’t. My nose is running like a faucet and my sinuses are all messed up which is probably why I’ve had a headache also… today I have been so tired all I can do is lay in bed. My body aches and I feel like I have a bad hangover or something.
Is this what jet lag is? I’ve never gotten jet lag (or never noticed it before) when I’ve been to Hawaii and back – my dad said that this is jet lag. But the thoughts…I think is spiritual. I was talking to a friend yesterday who used to be a heroin addict like me and we were saying that sometimes it feels like we’re in a “God bubble” around certain people or situations – and things that would or even should affect us doesn’t…because God puts a ‘bubble’ arround us. That’s how I felt in Thailand.
As twisted as it may sound – being put in a situation like being around a bunch of junkies shooting dope (for example) may be, in a sick, dysfunctional kind of way – be ‘attractive’ to a person coming out of a background like me. Same, as crazy as it sounds – a strip club with hookers dancing around people are drinkin’ and druggin’ – would (I used to frequent strip bars here in Hollywood back when I was on dope) in a strange sick sort of way – almost be ‘seducing’ (?) for me…? That probably sounds really weird to some people, but I’m sure anyone who comes out of that kind of lifestyle would know what I mean.
Well, ever since I’ve been serving Jesus and I go to places like Skid Row where people are shooting dope or smoking crack right there on the street or go to nightclubs or strip bars to minister (I have a much completely different motive for being in those kind of places than back then) it’s as if God puts a bubble around me and I am not affected the way I used to be. I’m sure it also has a lot to do with the fact that I will not even ‘go there’ in my mind – it has a guard around it. It’s supernatural, really – because in my own strength I wouldn’t be able to go to some of the places we go to without stumbling, ONLY by the grace of God.
“Let he who thinks he stands, take heed, lest he fall…” 2Cor.10:12
That’s how I felt the entire time I was on the Thailand/Cambodia trip – to the point of it being almost strange to me…I mean, to go everyday almost (at least it seemed) non stop…I felt so energized (well the last few days I was kind of peetering out) and unaffected by everything going on around me.
Now that I’m back…I feel so burnt out, tired and I keep getting attacked in my mind. I still need prayer…I’m relieved to think that this is just jet lag because I was getting concerned that either I was getting sick or that I was going to fall into a deep depression with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia on top of it. I don’t want to do anything except stay in bed. 
Tomorrow is my 40th birthday. Getting old. I need to get over this quick. Has anyone else had similar experiences after a missions trip?
I appreciate all the prayer I can get. Thanks!
