Laurie Ishii

Can I be real transparent? Well, I’m going to be. Monday, I went to see the (a) neurologist, and another doctor – I guess a proctologist is what you’d call him. I won’t go into detail about what I had to see him for – it might be too much information for some…but basically, he scheduled me to get a colonoscopy one of these days – I’ll find out when in the mail. (County Hospital) I may cancel the appointment when I get it – because it may cost too much – Daryl makes too much for us to qualify for Medi-Cal – but we don’t have insurance…

My neurologist appointment was frustrating, to say the least – everytime I go to see the ‘dcotor’ (intern) I see a different one – and this time I saw another woman – the last time I saw a man, the time I was in the ER I saw a woman, the time before that I saw a different man…before that, a different one.

This woman was a pretty young one, younger than me, for sure – probably ten years younger or so. I’m sorry, but part of the reason why it’s getting more and more frustrating going to see a doctor is because they all give me a different diagnosis for the same thing…and they all act as if they know what they’re talking about, when I’m starting to believe that they are full of crap and they don’t know anything but just act like they do.

I’ve had two ‘doctors’ from USC tell me that CFS is auto immune and one of them is from their infectious diseases department – the other doctor was from the liver dept. – he said that I didn’t qualify for interferon becuse of my immune system – having the CFS being auto immune… and the doctor I saw yesterday said it isn’t. Whatever…

Then I told her how I have felt like I’ve been in so much PAIN the last few weeks like I’ve had the flu with joint and muscle pain all over but with no fever and she told me it’s because I have rheumatoid arthritis. I was like ‘What? Who says?” She said that I was tested for that in 2004 and tested positive – “quite high” back then.

Well thanks for telling me…not that it would have made a difference I suppose but maybe I wouldn’t feel like a hypocondriac psycho because I just have Fibromyalgia (the ‘Basket Case Disease’ is what they used to call it – it still isn’t even really recognized as a ‘real’ disease in most medical circles) – and this doctor seemed like she still thinks it – along with CFS is ‘mental’… or psychiatric. At least Rheumatoid Arthritis is recognized as a ‘real’ illness.

So, am I happy about this? Of course not – oh great, at least maybe it will look better for my SSI case… yipee. This is so lame. I wish so bad that we could afford for me to see a REAL doctor.

The ‘doctor’ said that she didn’t think that the pituitary tumor was what was causing my headaches (now I’m not a doctor but hey – when I look up ‘pituitary tumor’ online one of the (if not ‘the’) main symptoms of having a pituitary tumor is HEADACHE. Uh…hello?

Well I’m not going to sit and argue with her – but she went on to INCREASE the dosage of what I am already taking – Neurontin (seizure medicine) from 100 mg. once day – to 300 mg. 3 times a day!!! I only take it at night, before bed – because it makes me sleepy – why would I want to take it 3 times a day and 3 times stronger? So I can be a walking zombie??? No way. Sorry.

By the time we left the hospital I was quite discouraged – no, more like mad. Hey, I’m just keeping it real. If no one else gets mad, well good for you. I haven’t gotten there yet. I am so sick of seeing doctors, so sick of going to hospitals, so sick of no one knowing what’s wrong with me – sometimes I just feel like a freak!!! It’s not in my head, it’s not like I want to wake up with a freaking headache and an aching body and burning eyes feeling like I’m drugged (against my will) when I haven’t even had the pleasure of getting high!!! Not to mention all the other personal stuff that I wont mention to everyone.

Now I feel like I have to follow through with this stupid SSI because I started it – I HAVE to go to these stupid doctors – but even if I wasn’t going through with the SSI I’d probably have to see these dumb doctors anyway – I don’t know!!! Grrr!!!

Okay. I’m done. Anyway, after we got back from the hospital Daryl talked to Ziggies owner and he wants to get Ziggie back – of course he does – and I started crying like a big baby and I cried all night and okay fine I’m OTR (for all you females who know what that means) so tomorrow we are getting our own chihuahua mix from the pound. My girlfriend is picking him up he’s a year old, black blown and white.

I was having a pity party Monday but made myself go out Tuesday with a girl I just met from church – Deanna – we went to feed homeless people in Hollywood so I would get my focus off of myself and it helped. Then I found out about this new doggie today.

Please pray, we may be able to get some kind insurance – most insurance companies don’t want us because of all of our ‘pre-existing’ conditions.But I know that somehow, God will work it all out. He’s still on the throne. Sometimes I think I forget that.

Praise God that we have the privilege of sharing in the sufferings of Christ. “Count it all joy…” (James1:2-4)