Laurie Ishii

I decided to write a little more detailed testimony and I have it on myspace and so I just copied and pasted it onto here. Bear with me – this is LONG and even then, I got pretty tired at the end of it and cut it kinda short…

I used to be a dope fiend (in the worst way) shooting anything I could get in my veins, which led to a life of prostitution, depression and numerous suicide attempts…This is my story. Born in 1968 in Good Samaritan Hospital in downtown Los Angeles , I was raised in a strict home. As a child I seriously tried to live up to my parent’s standards. I really always wanted their love and approval ‚Äì especially my dad’s. But dad was pretty angry back then and he had a pretty bad temper‚Ķand sometimes took things out on me, if you know what I mean.

No matter what I did, it was never good enough, and by the time I was going into high school my parents decided to send me to CATHOLIC high school! I took that as a punishment ‚Äì because I always did well in school ‚Äì got A’s and B’s ‚Äì but they sent me there anyway. I had never even drank or done drugs yet, even though all my friends had.

Going to Catholic school really seemed to bring out the worst in me. All the rules‚Ķand the way I saw God ‚Äì I saw Him as a mean old man up in heaven with a stick, and He was just waiting for me to screw up so He could ‘whoop’ me!

I started drinking, smoking pot and snorting cocaine all in Catholic school. I left home my freshman year – I started hanging out with the kids that were bused in from the inner city and they hung out with a lot of gang members.

Before long I was involved with an Asian gang and by the age of 17 I had gotten married to one of the gang leaders and by age 20 I had been shot in a drive by shooting with a .38 and the bullet went through my upper left arm, through my side (just missing my heart) through my liver, lung and diaphragm and out my back ‚Äì ¬? an inch away from my spine.

The doctor said that if the bullet had been any closer I would have been paralyzed from the waist down. After getting shot I was still being crazy – got in a fight a week after getting out of the hospital with a full arm cast – I had a lot of anger inside of me and the only way I knew how to vent was to do what I learned best – hit someone or something!

By this time my homeboys and I were all getting more into drugs – they eventually became a priority. I began going out to Hollywood to the rock and roll clubs like the Rainbow, Bordello, Cathouse etc. drinking and doing coke just about every night.

One of those nights I had sex with someone for drugs and ended up getting pregnant. I was so angry‚ĶI tried and tried to get an abortion, but after 5 months of trying (I didn’t have the right I.D., or correct paperwork, etc.) I didn’t understand why it was so hard to get it done ‚Äì it was as if I had ‘Someone’ who was putting road blocks in the way. I had gotten an abortion in the past and I didn’t remember having such difficulties last time.

One day (I was living with 3 guys at the time) one of my roommates came home and there was something different about him ‚Äì like a ‘glow’ ‚Äì I thought for sure he got high on some great drug and I asked what it was and he said “Jesus”! Oh no! Immediately I shut down. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say about his Jesus experience.

But I watched his life change… I prayed one day for God to change my life and help me to stop using drugs – especially cocaine, because I had just started freebasing. He did – and I was delivered from my cocaine addiction as well as drinking and cigarettes. I also decided to go through with the pregnancy and gave the baby up for adoption after I had her.

But that’s only the beginning ‚Äì I got married, had a son and was working at a hair salon in Santa Monica , making pretty good money. It didn’t happen overnight but I stopped going to church as much and started going out with my friends from the salon after work. I began compromising ‚Äì thinking that I could drink and smoke and have it under control. Ha. Thought wrong!

For some reason, I always thought that I wasn’t as bad as some other people ‚Äì I could always find someone else that was worse than me‚Ķbut before I knew it I was getting drunk all the time and one night I decided to go to the Rainbow with one of my salon friends. Steady was still working the door (it had been 7 years since I’d been there!) and it didn’t take long before I was up in the loft doing lines.

It was all downhill from there. I cheated on my then husband, I came home so drunk that he had to carry me up the stairs ‚Äì I began going to work hung over (or not going at all) and one night when I came home after work he told me that he cancelled all my credit cards, insurance, car payments, etc. gave 30 days notice on our apartment and found a place for him and my son. I I FREAKED. I walked out with my son hanging on my neck begging, “Mommy please don’t leave me!” (He was only a little over a year then.)
I left and didn’t come back for two months and even then it was when no one was home and I just went to get my stuff.

I went to stay with a Coke dealer and eventually ended up all over the Hollywood and Valley areas ‚Äì and one night I met a man who would become my boyfriend for about 6 years. He happened to be a heroin addict. He knew I did drugs ‚Äì the first night I met him I said “Hi, my name is Laurie ‚Äì do want a hit?” and handed him a soda can with freebase.

We became friends and one night I was dressed up in a teddy and raincoat. He asked where I was going, and I told him that I was going to see a ‘trick’ (a man who pays money for sex) and I asked him if he had any drugs for me to do because I was not looking forward to what laid ahead. He told me not to go ‚Äì but hey, I was on my own ‚Äì I had to support myself (or rather my habit) somehow‚Ķ I could not stand to be straight ‚Äì whenever I started to come down I began having panic attacks‚Ķ I didn’t want to deal with reality! I HATED myself for what I had done, what I had become‚Ķ for leaving my son who was my world‚Ķ I’d keep a bottle of vodka and a hit of crack near my bed so when I woke up I’d have that to be able to start the day‚Ķ

This friend was house sitting a couple of weeks and I went to stay with him ‚Äì just to hang out and to get high. I had done heroin with him (Just smoked ‚Äì he hated needles) and it was great to come down after smoking a bunch of cocaine. But I had never done it for 3 or 4 days in a row before. He kept telling me, “You’d better stop smoking dope ‚Äì you’re gonna get strung out!”

One morning my friend woke up and was a different person. He was so grouchy and almost mean. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he was ‘dope sick’. He got up, made a phone call, left and came back with a bag of heroin, smoked and got ‘well.’ He was back to his normal self again. I asked him what being ‘strung out’ was ‚Äì I was so ignorant and thought that you had to be a junkie who shot drugs with a needle. He said that being strung out was where you needed to do heroin or else you’d get dope sick. I asked what being dope sick felt like and he said that it was kind of like having the flu only worse. I remember thinking to myself, “Having the flu’s not so bad‚Ķ” What an IDIOT!

I ended up smoking heroin with him for at least 4 days in a row, and then the 5th day, I went to work. I didn’t know what was wrong‚Ķ I thought that I must have had the flu. I felt feverish, my legs ached and I kept having to go to the bathroom. I had stomach cramps and diarrhea. I finally ended up going home from work and I climbed into bed. My friend called and I told him that I had the flu. He said that I didn’t have the flu ‚Äì but that I was dope sick. He came over and gave me some heroin to smoke and all my symptoms of illness immediately went away. Right then I decided that I would never allow myself to be dope sick again‚Ķ

For almost six years, me and my ‘friend’ who became my boyfriend used together and went through everything you can imagine. I loved him so much but I guess I loved heroin the most of all. I continued to prostitute throughout our relationship ‚Äì to me prostituting was just a job ‚Äì I didn’t have any feelings for the men I had sex with ‚Äì in fact if anything it was animosity and disgust I felt towards them. But I could put on a great act! I could have won an academy award for my acting as if I loved having sex with these sick men.

It was just the money and drugs that I wanted, or needed‚Ķ I usually required that the men provide drugs as well as money for me to get through my act. This tore me apart. In the beginning it isn’t so difficult ‚Äì the first time it is but each time it got easier‚Ķ I became so desensitized that I just felt like a rag doll‚Ķ each time I was giving a piece of me away, and before long I felt like I had nothing left to give ‚Äì only an empty shell. I was not only selling my body but also giving my soul away‚Ķ

By this time I was in and out of jail ‚Äì I was so sick of going in and out of Twin Towers (County Jail) and I kept telling myself that I didn’t have to go there again if I just ‘got it right’‚Ķ actually, if I just didn’t get caught again! I had two felonies of drug possession and my judge told me that if I didn’t stay and finish the last program (he’d already sent me to 4 or 5) that he would send me to prison for 16 months. I’d already been in Tarzana Treatment Center, Impact in jail (he said that I was only one out of two people ‚Äì the other one was a guy – that had ever gotten KICKED OUT of Impact in jail for the entire time he’d been in Drug Court) Impact in Pasadena, American Hospital in Pomona, Asian American Drug and Alcohol Program (AADAP), Walter Hoving Home in Pasadena and now he was sending me to a place in LA somewhere. I was discharged from jail after a few months and was picked up and taken to a sober living home overnight and taken to the drug program the next morning.

When I got there I decided that I didn’t like the place and didn’t want to be there ‚Äì committed for a year! So I called a girlfriend and took a taxi to her place. I had called my dad before I was released from jail and had him put money on my books and didn’t spend anything so I had over $40 by the time I got out. As soon as I got to her place I got high.

During the time I was in jail, my boyfriend had found out that I had been prostituting (again) after continually promising that I’d stop ‚Äì and he was so hurt and angry‚Ķ He didn’t even want to see me again ‚Äì but after a few days things were back to the way they were before I got locked up. It was crazy‚Ķ I loved and trusted my boyfriend so much. He was my whole world ‚Äì I had never ever been in love before ‚Äì I thought that true love didn’t exist. Granted, we were VERY dysfunctional ‚Äì but we truly did have a love for one another.

Wait ‚Äì where was God all this time? He was there ‚Äì and even though I tried my best to keep him in the back of my mind‚Ķ I knew He was there. I still even prayed sometimes‚Ķ in fact many times. But I thought that I’d gone too far, that He’d never take me back. I’d made a mockery out of Him. I was so lonely, so unhappy and miserable ‚Äì I hated my life of bandage but thought that I’d never be able to stop doing heroin. I just knew that I would die a junkie one day.
By this time I had been shooting up for at least a few years‚Ķ the first time I did I was at my friend Pruett’s place ‚Äì I wrote a blog “Harold Pruett” ‚Äì he died of an overdose in 2002.

When my boyfriend found out that I had started shooting dope he was so pissed – but a few weeks later when we were short on money and short on dope and we were at a diabetic friend of ours house…I grabbed a sringe and told him that the most ‘economical’ way of doing our dope was to shoot it. I fixed myself and then did him. That didn’t last long – he HATED having to wait for me to get well before I could do him. He was a very quick learner – it only took him about a week before he was able to fix himself.

I not only was a heroin junkie but a needle junkie as well. I was addicted to the needle and I shot anything and everything I could shoot in my veins. To this day I have trouble having my blood drawn ‚Äì I’ve blown out my arm, hands, fingers, legs, feet and toes ‚Äì my neck and stomach, even my groin. Usually when I go to get blood drawn I have to get an artery stick or femoral line (upper thigh/groin) or if someone is really good, they can get a vein deep inside where you can’t ‘see’ the vein. I shot a lot of cocaine which causes your veins to collapse‚Ķ and unfortunately after years of using them over and over (even after they ‘came back’) they eventually ‘die’ and they still haven’t grown back after years of being clean‚Ķ

One day I was with my girlfriend and he was asking me if I was still going to prostitute and I told her that I was quitting for good ‚Äì I loved my boyfriend so much and even if I just thought of hooking was a job ‚Äì if it hurt him so much ‚Äì I needed to stop. Plus I trusted him so much and I thought that he would never cheat on me and he had said he’d never and I just trusted that he would never screw around behind my back‚Ķ and I’ll never forget it ‚Äì I was in the bathroom and I saw her through the mirror ‚Äì she asked if I was sure about that ‚Äì and then she said, “What about if he thought of not screwing around the way (President) ‘Clinton’ did? My heart dropped. It felt as if my whole world was crashing down. I almost collapsed. I knew ‚Äì she and him‚Ķ she started crying, and said she was so sorry‚Ķ

I was crushed ‚Äì but immediately I toughened up, because he called. He was sick, and needed me to meet him downtown to get him a bag of dope. I went. I met him at the train station. I copped a bag and then I wouldn’t give it to him until he told me the truth‚Ķ then I went back to my girlfriend’s house and he went home. I was so mixed up with emotion. I was angry at my girlfriend‚Ķ but madder at my boyfriend‚Ķ

I decided to call one of my dealers and out of a sick power trip and anger – I had sex with my dope dealer and also made my girlfriend have sex with me too. I had been with numerous women before – but I always liked being the one in control – in a twisted way it was a power trip. I turned more tricks, and told my boyfriend about it. He was broken. I remember him falling onto his knees, crying…

Many times I had sat on the roof of the apartment building we stayed at. It was 8 stories high. I used to ‘fantasize’ jumping off of that roof ‚Äì thinking about my funeral and how things would be if I was gone. My boyfriend and I still stayed together‚Ķ we screamed and fought and cried together‚Ķ and decided that the only way things would get better between us was if we got clean.

One weekend we decided to get a whole bunch of Kolonapin #2′s and ‘kick.’ It was weird, after we got a few bags of dope, we went to the BART (Methadone) clinic in Hollywood where a lot of people sell pills out front ‚Äì and we bought 16. We got ‘well’, and then we went to CHURCH! (The church I went to when I first got saved) On our way home, we stopped and got a couple more bags of dope and when we got home we shot them up.

Now the rest is kind of a blur to me. I vaguely remember writing scriptures from the bible on pieces of paper and taping them up all over the house. Then apparently, my boyfriend and I each took one Kolonapin. He went to sleep (just one of those pills can take grown men down) and I took the other 15. Later I heard that I called my girlfriend (the same one who my boyfriend cheated in me with) took the train to her house and called a dope dealer, got both heroin and cocaine and shot a bunch of speedballs, called another friend and had him drive me back to the train station and walked home, went up to the roof and jumped, or fell.

My girlfriend and her babysitter said later that I was so incoherent they couldn’t even understand what I was saying when I was talking. Eight stories is a long ways down. Thankfully I hit a tree about ten feet before hitting the ground, which broke my fall. But I still landed on my head, and cracked my skull.

I woke up in Cedar Sinai hospital in Beverly Hills four days later after being in a coma. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my boyfriend. I didn’t know where I was. He said, “Well apparently, you jumped off the roof of our apartment building! What did you do Laurie? What did you do that was so bad that you tried to end your life?” (He knew that I had SUCH a guilty conscience ‚Äì whenever I did anything ‘wrong’ I’d go on a drug binge or try to hurt myself. (I had tried suicide numerous times before this) He had begun to see a pattern ‚Äì every time I’d go on a binge he’d find out soon after that I’d turned a trick or something.

Half my head was shaved; the doctors performed a craniotomy on me. I had big scars on the top back and left side of my head. It was so weird ‚Äì to me I was still Laurie ‚Äì still ‘normal’ ‚Äì but when I grabbed a magazine and tried to read it ‚Äì I couldn’t. I just saw letters‚Ķ but couldn’t make anything out of them. Even talking was a challenge ‚Äì I’d have words in my head and want to say something‚Ķ but I couldn’t seem to get them out of my mouth. Sometimes I’d want to say a word but I’d say something else. Like I heard a helicopter flying overheard and I shouted, “Propeller!” (Close, but no cigar)

I had to learn how to do my ABC’ all over again, from the beginning. I couldn’t even remember how to SING the ABC’s! And you should’ve seen my writing! My friend Victoria still has her bible that she let me use while I was still in the hospital ‚Äì I had attempted to write‚Ķ something (we couldn’t tell exactly what) and my writing looked like that of a toddler. That was a really difficult time for me. It was both frustrating and depressing. I also had such a hard time with comprehension ‚Äì when people would say something to me it took me quite a while to ‘process’ what they were saying. Many times I still have problems with that. I remember my boyfriend saying something like, “Can you take the stuff out of the refrigerator” and I’d grab the trash and start walking to the front door. He’d be like, “what the heck are you doing?”

I’ve gotta say – he had SO MUCH patience. Unfortunately, the whole time I was in the hospital the docotrs had me on methadone. One of the nurses told me that for the first few days all I would scream was “GIVE ME HEROIN!” So the minute I got out of the hospital – actually, even while I was still in the hospital – I had my boyfriend bring me a sringe with heroin in it, and I just shot up in the bathroom. By the time I got out of the hospital about a month later – the first thing I did was shoot up.

My boyfrinend felt like such a scumbag for allowing me to shoot dope – well actually I wasn’t even able to do it myself – he had to do it for me. My motor skills were so messed up, I couldn’t even hold the sringe right, much less find a vien. But it didn’t take me long… I thought about (and even made an effort) to go to the methadone clinic – but because somewhere along the way I lost my ID (when I first was in Cedar Sinai I was ‘Jane Doe’ because I didn’t have an ID with me) but I have no idea where.

So because I didn’t have an ID the clinic couldn’t start me on methadone – so I had to get heroin. Anyone who’s ever been on heroin and tries to ‘kick’ off of methadone knows that it is WAY WORSE of a kick than heroin is! It lasts longer too. After a few days, my boyfriend was insistent that I go to a program or something to kick the dope. We both knew that we could not keep going on the way we were.

So, I decided to go back to the Walter Hoving home again and try to kick there. It’s a Christian Woman’s home where there is a LOT of love. Well, because I still had both heroin and methadone in my system – after 9 days I hadn’t slept at all. I was almost delerious by this time and one morning while I was taking a shower I slipped and hit my head on the tub. Because of the recent brain injury, I was taken to the hospital where they kept me for about 9 days. I was so frustreted – they tried to give me occupational therapy and it was so hard to do anything.

I was discouraged and frustrated, called my boyfriend and had him pick me up. I left, went home and started all over again. About a month after that, I decided that I needed to try and stop again. I went back to the Walter Hoving home and this time, after about three days of not sleeping, throwing up and pooping my pants – I wanted to warm my legs and sat on the ledge outside the second story window. This time, I clearly heard a voice, “You’re so stupid, you don’t deserve to live, go ahead and jump!” Before I knew it, I was on the ground. I hit a lawn chair and the concrete when I hit the ground – this time I broke my back. That really sucked.

Again, I was in the hospital for almost a month. I had to get a whole body cast, which was uncomfortable and bulky. (Not to mention, UGLY!) I wore the brace for about a year. Not because I had to, but because it was VERY awkward to prostitute with the thing on – so I had to figure out a different hustle. I played the sympathy card, and quickly learned to pan handle.

For some reason, it was so much more humbling for me to ask people for money on the street than it was to turn a trick. But once I got the hang of it… I was pretty good at it! Especially with the back brace on. I’d give people the sob story that I tried to commit suicide and broke my back and I was waiting for SSI and it was taking so long so I had to panhandle to support myself. Granted, I wasn’t able to fill out the paperwork for SSI anyway – I did get the paperwork but I wasn’t ever able to fill it out. I did this for about a year, and made about $50-$100 a day, everyday. Not bad.

But I got so sick of it – and people who saw me everyday got sick of too. I beagn getting worse and worse when we moved into an apartment where we had a couple of crack dealers living a floor above. I’m leaving a lot out because if I didn’t I’d be here for days…

When I was at the hospital after breaking my back I called my public defender and told him what had happened to me. I didn’t want to go to prison but I wanted to at least let someone know what was going on with me. My PD wanted to know what hospital I was at and I wouldn’t tell him – I was afraid I’d get picked up. But after about a year of running, I was so tired.

During this whole time, I also had a hole in the back of my head that Cedar Sinai had left… I was supposed to go back there and get follow up but of course I never did. People would always ask me if it was normal that I had this 1 by 1/2 inch hole in my head with little screws in it… I didn’t know. It didn’t bother me – yet. I decided to turn myself into my judge one day.

A girlfriend of mine, Victoria took me to the courthouse. When I walked in, the judge called me by name and asked where I’d been! I got a PD and told her what happened and she told the judge. He said that he had every legal right to take me in but that he wanted a doctor’s permission slip that said it was okay for him to take me into custody, and come back in three weeks. For a minute I was a little relieved – but when we walked out of the courtroom, Vicoria was like, “Where are you gonna go, Laurie? I’m not taking you home! You need to just go to jail.”

So, I walked back into the courtroom and told the judge to take me in. He said that it was going against his better judgement, but because it was his legal right to do so, he had me cuffed and taken into custody. This is another long story, so I’ll try to cut it short.

While I was in jail they had me in the infirmary for the first week. Then they moved me into general population. I was in a lot of pain but I was also very dizzy and every morning I’d get up and there was blood on my sheets. I kept telling the doctor in the infirmary but he said not to be concerned. I was mad – because he wouldn’t even give me motrin for the pain, much less psych meds to help me get a little high!

So I decided to take my back brace off and jump off the second tier where the cops in teh sherriff’s bubble would see me and hopefully, take me to the hospital. It worked great! The cops came in (one sergeant recognized me from the street) and I ended up going to the hospital by ambulance. County hospital on the 13th floor, the jail ward. I did get some drugs after seeing a doctor, getting x-rays and finding out that I rebroke my back, but only every 8 hours, not the 4 hours I wanted! I would literally scream everytime the morphine wore off – all the cops, doctors and nurses knew who I was after a couple days of that!

Oh – I forgot to mention that I was handcuffed to the bed the whole time I was there too. By the time I finally saw a doctor, I told him that i wanted to go back to jail – at least there I wasn’t handcuffed to the bed! He said, “I’m sorry maam, but I can’t do that. You have a full blown staph infection that’s going to your brain and it’s going to kill you if we don’t operate within the next couple of days.” I knew that staph infections were bad – my ex-husband’s mom died from getting one after she had a tooth pulled.

Another surgery and 12 days in the hospital. After getting out of the hospital and back to jail I was going to see my judge – I was in a holding tank with three other girls to go to court. I was in a wheelchair and a girl started talking and I told her to shut up and she started talking crap and I stood up and punched her and we started fighting… she bit me and I ended up having to go back to the hospital to get a tetanus shot. By the time I saw the judge he released me, in his words, “Before you get killed”. Of course it took another week to actually get released but the judge was totally serious – if I had been able to get a hold of someone to pick me up while I was still in the courtroom, he was going to let me go. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get a hold of anyone.

After I was released from jail, I tried to stay clean but eventually ended up strung out again. Things only got worse, and finally my boyfriend and I decided that the only way either of us would ever get clean was if we were seperated for a while. So I was going to go to a year long program and he was going to go to his families house and kick.

I went to Teen Challenge for three days & because of an absess, went to the hospital and they didn’t want to take me back because I was really mean and made their girls cry. I promised I’d be nice and they took me back – but after a day or two I decided to leave. I went downtown to Skid Row, suitcase and all. I got high and called my boyfriend and he was PISSED! He told me he wasn’t gonna pick me up and that i needed to go to a program or he didn’t want to talk to me.

So I went home a few days later with a Christian home and left a week later and went back to Skid Row… Where God spoke to me. He said, “Laurie, you’re going to die, a junkie out here – ANONYMOUSLY – (when I heard that, I checked my pockets and realized that I didn’t have any ID with me) If you don’t turn around and serve ME.” I was scared straight, literally. I was so scared that if i didn’t get right with God then – it would be too late – that was my last chance. The next day was the last day I ever got high, March 9, 2001.

Since I’ve come back to the Lord my relationship with Him is so much different than when I first got ‚Äòsaved‚Äô. I no longer see Him as the ‘mean old man with a big stick’ but as my loving Father, who wants the very best for me. If the best happens to mean that I do or do not do certain things, then so be it. I don’t look at God as some killjoy who is trying to ruin my fun and is just waiting for me to screw up so that He can punish me somehow. (I used to see Him that way) My obedience to Him is no longer out of obligation or fear but out of my love for Him. Yes, I have a healthy respect or fear of God, but I am not ‘afraid’ of Him anymore, if that makes sense. I never consciously said ‚ÄúGod is mean and He is trying to hurt me‚Äù but at the same token – every time something went wrong or wasn‚Äôt going my way ‚Äì I blamed Him. I thought that if God is Sovereign ‚Äì why did He allow this or that? In a perfect world maybe nothing bad would ever happen and we‚Äôd never feel any pain or sorrow ‚Äì but if we never saw pain or sorrow ‚Äì would we ever know what compassion was? We do not live in a perfect world and there is a real, personal Devil who is always busy opposing God‚Äôs will for us ‚Äì as well as the fact that God has given us free will. Not always, but many times (at least it was in my case) I was suffering because I was facing the consequences of some of my own poor decisions‚Ķ

I have screwed my life up pretty royally. I have no right to judge anyone (if I haven‚Äôt done it I probably at least thought of doing it!) but I believe that there is both a heaven and a HELL. Out of my love for people – I do not want to see ANYONE perish ‚Äì separated and apart from God. So I do my best to share my faith with other people and to share the love that God has for them – so many people do not even know why they are here – that God has a purpose and a destiny for them! That’s why so many people do crazy things – they don’t realize that at the end of their lives the will have to stand before God and give an account to Him for everything they’ve done both good and bad ‚Äì they don‚Äôt realize that there is a reason and purpose for their being here on earth – no one is here by accident! I am not trying to convert anyone to a certain religion (actually, I hate religion) nor am I trying to get anyone to think like me, believe like me, act like me – (scary) but I sincerely want people to discover a meaningful, loving RELATIONSHIP with our Father, the Creator of the universe!

Ever since I have been serving God with my whole heart – I have had such a love for people and my hearts desire is to see people come into a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Especially those who are RADICAL, addicted to anything – drugs, sex, money, whatever (because whether we’ll admit or not, we’re all addicted to something.) I believe that God has made us to be addicted to Him but somewhere along the way we got distracted and drawn to things besides God – to try and fill the void we all have inside us… the void that only God can fill! I’ve seen people who have come out of the craziest lifestyles and addictions – only by the power of God Рchanged, delivered and FREE!

This is why my husband Daryl and I reach out to pimps and prostitutes – I’d say that’s pretty radical – and we love it! There are many people who understand why we reach out to the prostitutes, but I’ve had more than a few people (Christians, even) that do not understand why we reach out to the pimps. I started reaching out to the pimps about four years ago after trying to first reach out to the prostitutes. I found it difficult to talk to the women when they had a pimp and he was nearby. They were too scared to stop and talk – much less have me pray for them! At first it was pretty discouraging, but God gave me an idea – first focus on reaching out to the pimps – develop a relationship with them! If we could have favor from the pimps, it would be easier to talk to their girls! I think that in a sense many of the pimps think that they are untouchable and they put on such hard cold attitudes to appear unapproachable. Well, it took me over a year of CONSISTENT perseverance, showing the pimps that I was not afraid of them (they’re just people, like we are when it all comes down to it – they bleed just like you do) but most of all, showing them the love of God. Regardless how mean, cruel and sadistic many of these men can be – they too were once a child like you and I, and someone hurt them along the way. No one wakes up one day and says, “I’m going to abuse women and treat them like slaves and property instead of people.” Somewhere along the way Рthey LEARNED this way of thinking.

Perseverance really has paid off. When we go out to talk to the girls we are no longer a ‘threat’ – even though the pimps are aware of the reason we are out there – to get the girls off the streets! There is a mutual respect between us. We have brought one of the guys to church and I talk to a number of them on the phone regularly. They even let me know when and where they’re moving around! (They change areas, even states Рwhere they ‘work’ quite frequently)

We have been so blessed to see the ‘human’ side of many of theses hardened criminals. (Yes, if they are pimping women, they ARE CRIMINALS) and have even seen tears from a couple of them. Because I know where God has brought me and what He is taken me out of – I will never give up on someone just because to people they appear “too far gone.” With our God РALL things are impossible! I didn’t go into much detail about my gang background – but let me just say this – before I knew Jesus, I had a murderers heart. I hated people, and I could care less if I saw one of my enemies die. It sounds brutal, but it’s the brutal truth. It’s only because I know how wicked I was before God came into my life that I KNOW without a doubt that He can change anyone. I truly LOVE all the pimps out there. God has given me such a heart for these young (and some pretty old) men. I see them as future mighty warriors for God’s Army Рpreachers, pastors, evangelists and ministers of the Gospel.

People don’t realize that when they aren’t serving the One True God, Jesus Christ – they are directly or indirectly serving Satan, the Devil. When I served the Devil, I served him with my whole heart. He is such a liar – he promises you everything but in the end you are left with nothing. He is only here to steal, kill and destroy. People who deliberately serve Satan and think he has any good wishes or intentions towards them are in for a rude awakening. He only HATES. Just as God has a divine purpose for each of our lives – Satan has a divine purpose for our lives. From the moment we are conceived, it is his goal to destroy us – he only wishes bad, terrible things for us because we have been created in the image of God, we are God’s children and we are precious to Him. Just like when a person out for revenge and wants to truly HURT their enemy – they will hurt their enemy’s child instead. Because the Devil is a defeated foe and he cannot destroy God – he will hurt God’s children to break His heart.

God LOVES you SO MUCH. He only wishes the very best for you. He loves to bless His children! If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and would like to – please contact me! Or if you have any questions about life, or about the bible – I may not have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to find them out for you! I am here to serve people. Please don’t hesitate to write me or ask me anything at all. I try to write back to everyone who contacts me. I may not respond immediately, but I’ll do my best to get back to you within a few days.

God bless you, and remember that Jesus LOVES you!