Heroin
IÄôm in sort of a strange mood today. It feels as if itÄôs going to rain – my body is hurting really bad. I already told Kristi that IÄôm not going anywhere today – IÄôm saving myself for the Prostitution Outreach Friday.
Last night, I was thinking about things – like about writing my testimony for the essay contestĶ see, the church thatÄôs having the contest is in Korea town. I lived in Korea town, after I had been Äòcouch hoppingÄô from Hollywood, the Valley, Culver City, Century City, to LA (to name a few)- and finally Äôsettled downÄô with Johnny when he got an apartment there. I used to ÄòpanhandleÄô up and down Wilshire Blvd., and sold incense too. I also stood in front of Ralphs supermarket asking for change. IÄôd walk up and down the streets in the whole Korea town area, and take the metro on the corner of Wilshire and Western to Alvarado by Mac Arthur park or to downtown LA to cop my dope.
That was a bad time of my life. After running around for so long, partying and going out to clubs, sleeping everywhere and anywhere – life was one big party at one time. But after I became not only strung out on heroin, but also an IV user – my social life became almost non-existent.
I couldnÄôt go out to clubs – it was too much ÄòworkÄô. I couldnÄôt have a good time when all I could think about was my next fix and where it was going to come from. My veins were collapsing from shooting so much cocaine, and it became harder and harder to find one. It took way too long to be locked up in the bathroom trying to hit with other people waiting outside.
When Johnny moved in on Serrano – ÄòLa Linda ApartmentsÄô – we were both ÄòtormentedÄô. It was totally demonic – there were bad spirits there. Johnny would Äôsee thingsÄô on the walls whenever we did coke, and I was just miserable and suicidal. I really didnÄôt even like being there most of the time, and only slept there when I had no where else to go.
ThatÄôs the apartment where I jumped off the roof. It was if it was calling me – ÄôsuicideÄô. IÄôd sit up there, on the fire escape, looking over the edge, planning how I could do it. This went on for months before I actually went through with it. I hated myself, I hated my lifeĶ
Being addicted to heroin is such BONDAGE. It wasnÄôt even my drug of choice – (cocaine was) – but whereas I could live without cocaine, I thought that I would die without heroin. It consumed me; it ruled my life, my mind, my bodyĶ I thought I couldnÄôt live without it. Heroin was my god. I loved it and hated it at the same time.
It was so much more than just being an addiction. It is spiritual slavery. We are all mastered my someone or something, (weÄôre all slaves to someone or something) whether it is drugs, or self, food, or possessions, or in my case, now – the One True God, the Lord Jesus Christ. He set me free, He is my Master.
I donÄôt know if I could really know and appreciate true freedom unless I had experienced total bondage first. I am so thankful. When the Son sets you free, you are free indeed!
I am going to try writing my essay now. It can sometimes be very draining, stepping into my past and reliving some of the pain and remembering things about myself that I donÄôt especially like. Sometimes it feels as if some things are so far away, as if they never even happened – but they have, and remembering those things make me that much more thankful for all that the Lord has delivered me out of. I never want to talk about my past to glorify it, but I never want to forget it, either. Thank You Lord.
ÄúI waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a new place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.Äù Psalm 40:1-3
