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STRESS

Friday, December 31st, 2004
Okay, I know that it‚Äôs a sin to worry, but I‚Äôm kind of stressed. I know I‚Äôm supposed to have faith and trust God, and I do‚Ķ I just made a dumb mistake and I have to suffer the consequences. I was expecting a check in the mail, because it was mailed last week. Well I guess because of the weather the mail has been REALLY SLOW‚Ķ yesterday I got something in the mail that was postmarked Dec.7th. So who knows when I‚Äôll get what I was hoping for. This is my own fault, because I put my ‚Äòfaith‚Äô in the mail - that the check would get here before New Years, and before our rent is due. So I spent some of the money… Read More

Angry at God?

Thursday, December 30th, 2004
What happened in Thailand has been heavy on my heart. I was talking to a friend last night, and she mentioned that she heard that many people are mad at God and are blaming Him for what happened there. Part of me understands‚Ķ I myself have been angry at Him in the past for things in my life. I figured, if God is sovereign (in control of everything) then why does He allow certain things to happen? Why do bad things happen to good people? I can‚Äôt explain everything away, but one thing I do know is that there is also a personal Devil and just like God has a destiny for us, the Devil has a destiny for us too. The moment we are conceived,… Read More

Tiffany

Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
Note added: After you finish reading this, please read January 18, 2005 post titled ‚ÄúDo you remember Tiffany?‚Äù in case you haven‚Äôt already. It will bless you. It‚Äôs raining and my body is really aching - I didn‚Äôt get out of bed until almost noon. I want to get some things done, but when I hurt this bad, it‚Äôs difficult to do even the simplest tasks. So, I‚Äôm going to write. I have the TV on, and I saw this program ‚ÄòHome Delivery‚Äô - and there was this woman who when she turned thirteen, found out that she had been adopted, and wanted to find her birth mother. I began thinking about my own daughter, that… Read More

Stormy Night

Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
Wow! It‚Äôs pouring, and I hear thunder and see lightning outside. Brrrr. Chilly out too. This weather is pretty crazy‚Ķ the earthquake and Tsunami in Thailand really makes me think about Jesus‚Äô return. Watching the news is just confirmation that we are living in the end times. I pray that people God would open people‚Äôs eyes, so that they can see the truth and repent from their sin. Earlier today, my sister Tracy came over and she treated me to lunch. It was so nice, we had a chance to do some ‚Äòcatching up‚Äô. The last time she had seen me was when I was in Cedar Sinai, all tore up. After lunch… Read More

Kaelan

Sunday, December 26th, 2004
We just got home from church and lunch at Sizzler, with Arlan, Amy and Amy‚Äôs brother Andrew. Amy and I used to be roommates at the Dream Center, and she moved to New York right after Daryl and I got married. She used to lead the Santa Monica and Nightclub outreaches, and Andrew leads the gay outreach on Saturday nights. Amy was a great roommate, along with Natalie, another intern from Sweden who just finished her one year commitment and returned to Sweden about a week ago. We all lived in the same room together. Arlan asked me if Daryl and I were planning to go to the Pastor‚Äôs Leaders Conference in Phoenix at Pastor Tommy‚Äôs church… Read More

Christmas

Saturday, December 25th, 2004
Last night was a blast. Daryl and I had fun, and Tracy and Shawn seemed to be having a lot of fun too. Tracy‚Äôs friend from AA didn‚Äôt come with them, but we also got to meet Ray, a friend of my mom‚Äôs, and Don, a friend of my seventeen year old sister, Ashley. It was awesome, to spend Christmas with my family again. I am so grateful. On the way home from my mom‚Äôs I asked Daryl to drive by where I usually go out on the Prostitute Outreach, to see if anyone was out. It was pretty empty out there - we didn‚Äôt see any prostitutes or pimps where they usually hang out. We did see some people out though. Some looked homeless, some… Read More

Christmas Eve

Friday, December 24th, 2004
We‚Äôre going to my mom‚Äôs place today. Daryl and I are both so excited to see what God is going to do today. My sister, Tracy and her boyfriend and another girlfriend of hers from AA are going to be at my mom‚Äôs too. Daryl and I just finished praying for all three of them, doing warfare - and will do the same when we get to mom‚Äôs. We know that even if we may not see anything happen tonight (with our physical eyes) we know that God is going to do something great in their hearts in and in the spirit realm. May Your light shine through us today Lord. Read More

Dave…

Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
This morning I called Cingular because of some questions I had about my phone bill. I had an opportunity to share Jesus with the representative who helped me. We ended up talking for about ten minutes - and nothing having to do with phone stuff. I love witnessing to representatives on the phone, or any kind of service representative in person - it‚Äôs almost as if they can‚Äôt be rude and are ‚Äòtrapped‚Äô and have listen to me. Many times, I‚Äôve met other Christians who have encouraged me or who I have been able to encourage. After I got off the phone with the Cingular guy, I called my friend Dave. I hadn‚Äôt talked to Dave… Read More

Thank You Lord!

Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
As I sit here and think, I realize that Christmas is only two days away. It doesn‚Äôt feel like it‚Äôs Christmas to me. I haven‚Äôt spent Christmas with my family for years, so it will be nice to go to my mom‚Äôs tomorrow night. Personally, I think that we should celebrate the birth of Jesus every day! I heard something on the news recently about certain department stores using ‚ÄòHappy Holidays‚Äô instead of Merry Christmas to be politally correct. How sad. I am so grateful to spend Christmas clean and sober for the fouth year in a row. Praise God! I can remember one year being so bad, sucked up, with tracks all over my arms… Read More

Prostituting

Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
Well, last night went very well. I was able to share some of my testimony, and I pray that God touched the people there. I was also blessed to hear many of the guys in the HFHY Men‚Äôs Home share their testimonies too. It is so great to see and hear of God‚Äôs grace, love and mercy working in people‚Äôs lives. I spoke a little about my times of desperation while I was using, and how I would do ANYTHING for my dope, including selling my body for both money and drugs. Unless a person has actually done this, they have no idea what kind of effect it has on your life. Yesterday afternoon, I watched ‚ÄòOprah‚Äô because I saw that the… Read More
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